.:wanderlustmedia+dot+org:.

Subject: just th fax, mam

Diagnosis of cat-scratch disease begins with a medical history and physical exam. An antibody titer test may be ordered to see if the person is producing antibodies to Bartonella henselae. A polymerase chain reaction test can be ordered to identify the genes of the bacteria. Using special techniques, the bacteria can sometimes be seen in a biopsy specimen from the affected body part.

Most healthy people recover without long-term effects. People with impaired immune systems can have permanent organ damage or can die as a result of cat-scratch fever.

In healthy people, the infection usually goes away in 2 to 4 months without treatment. In complicated cases, antibiotics, such as erythromycin or doxycycline, can be used.

Lymph nodes that are large and painful can be drained with a needle. Powerful antibiotics, such as azithromycin, can be given to people with impaired immune systems or severe infections.

Subject: meanwhile, back in februar…

Viernes 16-(0208h)- trouble? what trouble? is this late night- or early morn? I m on my way to dreamland, tempted to unfinished strokeℴ inna court!

Martes what? 1456h- been puttering around, keeping busy to avoid sitting down & thinking&th; swell seems to be coming up, waves blowing out in bouncing rollers of white foam as th tide sinks, ebbing & sucking out against th oncoming rough water&I; saw cirrostratus or stratocumulus or whatever they were, moving in from th northwest, a clear line up high in th sunset sky signaling th approaching cold front- so I shouldn t be surprised, I guess. but this morning, up until midday, th sea was glassy clear, th waves breaking clean & slow so that I forgot what I had correctly anticipated th skies portended&

-& I almost forgot- I dreamt about you last night: I called you up & another woman s voice answered & I hung up in fear & uncertainty- after a few deep breaths I tried th number again- asked for you by name & th (other?) woman- what did she say? yes, this is her number, she s busy ? maybe you were in some sort of meeting? maybe yr health club had all members surrender their cell phones @ th reception desk?

was you ever stung by a dead bee? -I can now truthfully answer yes!

&heard; some news commentary about longevity research going on- th speaker taking th critical position that th human species has until very recently not had a median lifespan of much more than thirty-something years & not only survived, but thrived swimmingly, thank you very much&& i clicked on th midlife crisis clichés & my own recurring, deeply personal sense- feeling?- that my life is somehow already over, that I can t count on any more real time, that I could truly, in fact, die @ any minute&& it brought up my long-running inner version of th nature vs. nurture argument- I tend to be freaked out by th evidence to th degree that stuff seems to be programmed into our cells, feeling that it denies important areas for option & choice- also very easy for me to focus on these areas, as I grew up w/ a sense of frustration @ very rigid family structures, in turn structuring a larger portion of my own life behaviors as reactive resistance or escape strategies, replaying th prodigal son parable (tell me if you ve heard this already) except there s never any big homecoming closure party&so;, what next? well, if I can t find a room of my own w/in these structures of my family of birth- th actual houses we shuttled & keep shuttling between- th right thing may be to follow through & commit to th wandering pilgrim course&

(I want to look, I want to touch&all; my strength is in relentless questioning on th one hand & offering simple comforts on th other&)

Subject: meanwhile, back in februar…

Viernes 16-(0208h)- trouble? what trouble? is this late night- or early morn? I m on my way to dreamland, tempted to unfinished stroke&order inna court!

Martes what? 1456h- been puttering around, keeping busy to avoid sitting down & thinking&th swell seems to be coming up, waves blowing out in bouncing rollers of white foam as th tide sinks, ebbing & sucking out against th oncoming rough water&I saw cirrostratus or stratocumulus or whatever they were, moving in from th northwest, a clear line up high in th sunset sky signaling th approaching cold front- so I shouldn t be surprised, I guess. but this morning, up until midday, th sea was glassy clear, th waves breaking clean & slow so that I forgot what I had correctly anticipated th skies portended&

-& I almost forgot- I dreamt about you last night: I called you up & another woman s voice answered & I hung up in fear & uncertainty- after a few deep breaths I tried th number again- asked for you by name & th (other?) woman- what did she say? yes, this is her number, she s busy ? maybe you were in some sort of meeting? maybe yr health club had all members surrender their cell phones @ th reception desk?

was you ever stung by a dead bee? -I can now truthfully answer yes!

&heard some news commentary about longevity research going on- th speaker taking th critical position that th human species has until very recently not had a median lifespan of much more than thirty-something years & not only survived, but thrived swimmingly, thank you very much&& i clicked on th midlife crisis clichés & my own recurring, deeply personal sense- feeling?- that my life is somehow already over, that I can t count on any more real time, that I could truly, in fact, die @ any minute&& it brought up my long-running inner version of th nature vs. nurture argument- I tend to be freaked out by th evidence to th degree that stuff seems to be programmed into our cells, feeling that it denies important areas for option & choice- also very easy for me to focus on these areas, as I grew up w/ a sense of frustration @ very rigid family structures, in turn structuring a larger portion of my own life behaviors as reactive resistance or escape strategies, replaying th prodigal son parable (tell me if you ve heard this already) except there s never any big homecoming closure party&so, what next? well, if I can t find a room of my own w/in these structures of my family of birth- th actual houses we shuttled & keep shuttling between- th right thing may be to follow through & commit to th wandering pilgrim course&

(I want to look, I want to touch&all my strength is in relentless questioning on th one hand & offering simple comforts on th other&)

Subject: shut th modem, here’s a draft- call me humpty

(…food? take a chance!
i don’t need to fight/to prove i’m right- i don’t need/to be forgiven…
keep yr eyes on th road/ yr hands upon th wheel…)

another saturday night/& i ain’t got nobody…
if life is a party- granted it’s a great deal to grant-
somebody very pointedly neglected an invite
instead, i inherited my mother’s subsidized vale of tears

make it a night of wine & quotes- solstice- st. john’s eve-
chango’s birthday, yemaya’s affair?
pobre de tus noches si las usas/para olvidarte de mi…
(pity yr nights if you use them/to forget me…)

maybe tomorrow/my heart will mend…
(all th king’s horses/& all th king’s men
couldn’t put humpty/together again…)

let me introduce you to this mess in my chest-
once upon a time old-fashioned doctors & poets
would have assuredly labeled it a heart…

hola todos:
i have become like bruce chatwin in one limiting, negative way: it has become excruciatingly difficult for me

to write as a
regular discipline while trying to live th settled life. it grates. it feels gratuitous- boring & pretentious

at one & th same time.
th emotional ground, th very impulse to write feels tainted- rotted thru w/ old, accumulated grievances- at th

pathological
posturing dance of avoidance & procrastination my brothers & i laboriously fritter our anxiously comfortable

lives away on,
for example.

it seems all th long-simmering, paralysing, accumulated anger & frustration in my life finally found physical

expression.

two weeks ago tuesday, a marble-sized growth popped up in my inner left thigh, close by th groin.
it seemed like a lymph node but th lack of any other symptoms- pain or tenderness in th area, body aches or

general
malaise-had me entertaining some options in my mind- a little hernia just now expressing itself??
friday after treatment my acupuncturist was leaning, not very convincingly or convinced herself, towards a

fatty cyst
diagnosis- but i did feel th little stringy attachments that whispered ‘lymph node’…
dr.dad rendered unquestionable verdict as lymph node on saturday. i forget if by this time th swelling had

grown to cue
marble size…also not sure if i was experiencing pain already- certainly generalized malaise, like some virus

coming on, &
growing discomfort in th area of th swelling…as is his style, dr.dad pontificated speculatively- some local

infection-certainly
i’d gotten countless scrapes on th seagrapes & pricked myself on thorns from th lime bush- all trees in th

property are
diseased to greater or lesser extent, covered in one form of fungus or another- bougainvillea & star of india

besides th
formerly mentioned. then there’s th mysterious tree just outside th entrance gate, w/ big green pods & little

thorns all over-
local lore deems it poisonous so that it can kill a weak man…
when i went for a second opinion, my cousin tate, family practitioner in vega baja, wanted me to start on broad

spectrum
antibiotics immediately. a week’s cycle was just under $71 at walgreen’s. later for that.
around two in th morning late sunday night th first crisis woke me: cold, shivery fever, intense pain shooting

both down my
leg & up into my abdomen. i cannot remember if i went dowstairs for a couple of aspirin or just held on tight,

curled into a
fetus under th sheet until th symptoms subsided in a pool of sweat around daybreak. i wd guess th latter.
i spent monday napping, recovering, waiting fruitlessly for my brother javier to drive me in for a formal

looksee by
dr.tate(that’s two syllables)centered around th obligatory blood tests. javier’s energies were taken up w/

fixing th new fridge
w/ th help of a tech buddy of his. he did relay my dad’s eureka insight message: i had cat scratch fever

disease.
(a suivre…)

what a life. i’ve spent this whole month breathing hard…
taking deep breaths…letting go of anger, taking responsibility, seeking to draw th right lessons…
debating how public to be about this issue…still think i may write/share/publish an open letter to this

person as my next
installment- after all…th future of wanderlust media as a viable entity may have been radically altered as a

a result of this
incident & hard lessons learned. for now i will just say i feel that somebody i considered a friend abused my

hospitality
& my trust when i…
meanwhile, back amStrand: obsessing about this particular ‘…hill of beans in this crazy world…’ kept me

from making
a decision to join th civil disobedience action & be arrested in vieques for trespassing on navy property &

getting my ‘…fair
share of abuse…’ along w/ edward james olmos, robert kennedy jr., danny rivera, robbie draco rosa, luis

gutierrez, &c;, &c;,
&c;, two weekends ago.
i may still get my chance. th navy’s threatening to renew war games in sixty days which would mean a lovely 4th

of july
taking deep breaths…
i have taken on added responsibilities, however: my brother javier brought me a cute kitten to hopefully help

w/ th mouse
problem. for now,though, all he(yup, no pussy for me: it’s a little tommy)does is add feline shit to th mouse

droppings in th
kitchen…
www.wanderlustmedia.com: a virtual ground for homeless desire

what a life. i’ve spent this whole month breathing hard…
taking deep breaths…letting go of anger, taking responsibility, seeking to draw th right lessons…
debating how public to be about this issue…still think i may write/share/publish an open letter to this

person as my next
installment- after all…th future of wanderlust media as a viable entity may have been radically altered as a

a result of this
incident & hard lessons learned. for now i will just say i feel that somebody i considered a friend abused my

hospitality
& my trust when i…
meanwhile, back amStrand: obsessing about this particular ‘…hill of beans in this crazy world…’ kept me

from making
a decision to join th civil disobedience action & be arrested in vieques for trespassing on navy property &

getting my ‘…fair
share of abuse…’ along w/ edward james olmos, robert kennedy jr., danny rivera, robbie draco rosa, luis

gutierrez, &c, &c,
&c, two weekends ago.
i may still get my chance. th navy’s threatening to renew war games in sixty days which would mean a lovely 4th

of july
taking deep breaths…
i have taken on added responsibilities, however: my brother javier brought me a cute kitten to hopefully help

w/ th mouse
problem. for now,though, all he(yup, no pussy for me: it’s a little tommy)does is add feline shit to th mouse

droppings in th
kitchen…
www.wanderlustmedia.com: a virtual ground for homeless desire

Mittwoch-
still, quiet center of midweek, Mercredi, honoring mercury/hermes/eleggua:
trickster-messenger of th gods (coyote, too, then?)
inhabitant of twilight, thresholds, transitions-
communicator, transformer in constant motion…
be patient & gentle in yr lessons- too easily I divine abstruse, esoteric abstractions
while th commonsense rules for human companionship elude me…
show me th right path, th doorway you hold open on th edge of shadow & light…

a postscript to last week’s installment:
klaus-heiner prodded th smoldering mound of ashes th day after our bonfire & checked it out again a
few more times before departure, finding embers that would spark to life at th slightest provocation. we
had lit
th bonfire on Saturday night & after th ‘band of deutschers’ left on Tuesday I turned my attention to
reorganizing stuff & reterritorialising th house…
what wouldn’t be my surprise when exactly a week from our evening light-up, after a few days of dry
weather & rising mercury, I get a whiff of smoke & look out th window to see th pile of ashes has burst
into full flame, with no outside assistance, as far as I could figure! signs & portents…

I made garden work my priority for these two weeks as th moon began to wane- popular wisdom has it
this is th right time for pruning, planting & transplanting. th last few days, however, I’ve experienced a
serious drop in energy, motivation & momentum…not sure yet how much of it is physical tiredness, how
much emotional fallout…as if i could trace a clear border between th two…

sonnabend into Sonntag…
ah what’s th use, what’s th use of living in this material world-
this densely rational, consistently sensuous illusion?
what’s th use of all this barely contained flesh & blood, th sad
sack of our skin pulling & stretching its wrinkles
to make believe we can fulfill one another-
flesh achy-breaking in lust after flesh, blood knocking
on blood’s echo only to spill it…
why not yield & surrender to th safely controlled
matrix of pure image & th pleasures of virtuality?
what’s th use? if we cannot lose & recover our selves
in each other, among th ten thousand objects of this world
but join their number in sinking isolation or desperately
feeding off & on one another like ever-dissatisfied hungry ghosts-
what’s th use?

hugs,d=(8{>

i remember another moon, not brighter by much…
(th lavender candle burns low on th verge of snuffing it)
discipline -in th sense of an unflagging constancy of effort-
needs th starting or renewal point of expressed intentions

i have become an inveterate puttering circle artist. not quite procrastinating, not quite achieving, reordering

tasks
& priorities until urgency forces me to take action on th obviously overdue payment, nagging health issue, or

wailing
personal physical-emotional-spiritual need…
as pangloss tells candide, ‘il faut cultiver son jardin!’

sudden midnight shower, as mittwoch slips into holy thursday. a full day of garden work- dug five small to

sizable filipino
coconut tree saplings out & set them in buckets, ready for selling, gifting, ot just replanting in a more

appropiate corner of th
property. javier came by & took th littlest one, which i’d set & nestled in an old straw gift basket. i raked

leaves, yanked
runners & vines, pruned bits of th star of india & bougainvillea, sawed off termite-eaten seagrape branches…

i’ve managed to lose th little pruning clippers. or hide them from myself. not under th tangle of trimmed

bougainvillea
& drying leaves slowly composting against th property wall, not in any nook in that wall, not in my garden

implements
corner…twilight zone, anyone?

day two for intense, waning moon garden work. looking on th head-high mound of coconut palm pencas, pruned

seagrape
branches & other drying vegetable trim, i remember th night last month my neffe klaus-heiner helped me build a

bonfire. th
dangerous mix of paint thinner & lamp oil i had sprinkled on th then sprawling, months-old mound of

machete-hacked
branches, overgrown by fresh weeds & runners & slightly damp from some earlier showers, was not enough of a

firestarter;
but .k gathered empty cement bags from th unfinished wall repair project & they were dry enough to catch
th spark & keep th flame alive- th living plants sputtering & smoking, a full-blown blaze finally rising out

of th compacted
tinderbox underneath. a good german from a family of engineers, .k had filled a couple of buckets of water to

keep nearby as
a safety precaution. he traipsed barefoot around th fire th whole night, however.
i forget what rusty old tools i brought out from th garage- th toothless rake, th garden hoe, th handleless

shovel-
& started pushing & shoveling ashes in, narrowing th circle of fire & clearing th cement slab that sometime

back in my early
teen years had been poured for a basketball court.
we were at it until sometime around two in th morning, a good three hours, watching th fire die down & revive

again
& again as we shoved th bigger branches & trunk sections, now smoldering logs, back into th heart of th

gathered embers. it
was a great evening. a light breeze shifted uncertainly between south & southeast, th smoke drifting towards th

ocean or th
house where everyone slept as .k & i circled & watched.

happy passover-easter renewal season, y’all!
hugs, d=(8{>

(night of 04 into 05 by now…
belly achin…complaints? haha…marshall yr resources…gotta be ready to
do
whatever it takes, bottom line!)

i question yr form history direction autonomy
i question yr name-names position substance
-even yr power & glory, paradoxically @odds w/ yr pure pervasive
total absolute formless reality: this is & is not th world
of spirit, source & object of prayer & supplication.

is there a gob of entropic matter in th universe so alien
separate & inert it has no impulse breaking kernel quickening
charge of electron consciousness dance already
exploding on its infinite journey to fulfilled awareness?

ah, we are nothing but flares lit up for th weekend party-
if that long- th tide rises full & fast
to drown th pouring shore of summer in restless sleep…
few meeting points to safely join skin to skin, fully awake
to th scraping sand-
greying cloud eyes yield to th shadow ocean & its foaming embrace…

back on th beach…luv, d=(8{>