.:wanderlustmedia+dot+org:.

(october 4, 1655h)
like a teenaging moon-june rhyme
love is achingly easy-
easy as doubt, easy as dread & disquiet:
a blinkered heart stuck in a one-stroke rush hour love is th fearful wallflower’s claim to heroism-
enduring in itself, by itself, for itself-
unheard, untouched, unrecognised & unreturned (october 6, 1236h)
a lifetime’s tumbling void beneath my tightrope walk
an ocean of tears roils in blood-red rust-
closed & closer, spite hums mouthy spells
to blind my heart’s deluded fall…
all or nothing is th course love taught
& in grating fruitless anger i bend to its rules
(2124h)
nobody home
nothing but a shell th wind whistles thru-
air rushes in to correct an imbalance: melt th icicles, cool th burn-
or, swelling in moisture’s conflicted embrace, rages
to soak th desert or lift a swamp to th river
(2206h)
days go by, years tick away minute by doubting minute
resentment keeps me bouncing th dead cat bounce
off th same listless bottom again & again many have made their half-honest fortune
wailing out my useless secret feelings loud for me-
why should i embarrass us further
sketching slapdash cathedrals of unshared yearning?
there is nothing left to break inside, & yet
a chandelier of tender childhood shame
shines brightly on lovey-dove, d=(8{>

Subject: menses.amStrand?

…certainly not managing a weekly posting. 9-11 shocked me & threw me for a loop.
perverse site-specific performance art as extreme, nihilistic political-religious statement on urban renewal.
i keep being reminded of th movie ’seven’. see it if you haven’t. then we’ll talk.
basic rule from sun-tzu’s art of war: never, ever back an enemy into a corner, always leave an escape route.
an enemy facing certain death, like a wild beast, has nothing to lose.
karma is a bitch, too. scares me constipated. amStrand:blitzkrieg+guerrilla=jihad?
was th title for th posting i started nearly a month ago, equinox approaching…what th- ! here it is:

‘…we both know that th problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world…’
it’s ‘casablanca’ time again, folks- drawing a line in th sand, taking sides, fighting for what’s right-
except every side will be self-righteously turning up evidence that god is securely, reassuringly huddled
in their corner…’infinite justice’ indeed!
i wonder if th most accurate translation of ‘jihad’ might actually be ‘crusade’ -& vice versa, of course?

‘vengeance is mine, saith th lord’…wd nietzche be surprised, tickled pink, proud of, or merely confused by th angry christian retaliation rhetoric? he has zarathustra make some fairly contemptuous- & only coincidentally, misogynous-remarks about christianity as a woman’s religion, glorying in victimisation…turning th other cheek & all that…

some days better, some days worse- another court appearance before th original judge & th property wall is finally being rebuilt! i’m afraid it might be a ‘chapuseria’- a slapdash rush job to avoid being cited for contempt of court & having their whole operation & projects shutdown…we will see…

to quote thomas dolby:
end of a summer/yr body wakens/in condensation/my heart learned to swim
then that feeling/was gone again…(‘weightless’)

i still am trying to get over th fact that after weeks of dragging myself out of bed no earlier than ten-thirty, on tuesday
th eleventh of september i woke up at 8:45 sharp…(a suivre…)

(Sites such as BreakTheChain, HoaxBusters, and HoaxInfo.com routinely list the latest e-mail hoaxes and debunk them. And About.com now has a whole new section dedicated to e-mail hoaxes relating to the terrorist attacks.)

EXTRA CREDIT
=====================

Moms have Mother’s Day, Fathers have
Father’s Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday

What has a whole bunch of little balls
and screws old ladies?
Bingo

What’s the difference between a
porcupine and a BMW?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

(weird problems inserting adresses…)
…well, ten days ago yesterday i bought a cute, ultralite sony vaio
laptop.
if i had brought it in to j&r before those ten days were up, i cd have had
an
exchange, no questions asked. but that one day of procrastination- added to
a
week of ’sure, i can troubleshoot this mofo myself’ -means i have to go
uptown to some sony store for them to diagnose & repair whatever may be
wrong
w/ it. symptoms: clipping beats when playing audio cd’s, one issue. issue
#2
is a sticky mouse click, that will sometimes drag & open files when i’m
merely moving th cursor…
where did i earn this foquin bad karma in dealing w/ technology???
i half-wish i’d just gone off to spain & continued to do my writing in
cafes
until i came back in november, then shopped around @ continued leisure…
what’s going on otherwise? my life feels like it’s ground to a halt after
all
these years of ’surrendering my will’ & still clutching @ broken shards of
control. it’s a little scary, but i’m starting to get used to th idea that
i
really have no idea what i’m doing in this world, how to organise my
priorities, whether i should be travelling, where i’m going in physical or
geographical or existential terms…but i’m also coming to th place where i
know pushing myself to stay in motion in order to sustain some illusion of
direction & purpose is just exhausting & not getting any results. in th
last
few days, in th midst of feelings of melancholy futility & aimlessness a
sense of acceptance has been dawning…i can give myself permission to
hesitate, to examine, to doubt & to trust & act only when i feel
comfortable
w/ th level of risk involved. i have all th time in th world to learn to
own
my life, to learn that it is indeed my life even if everything that happens
as part of it is not either my self- constructed purpose or an obstacle to
it! -i do know however, that i don’t want to go back to puerto rico until i
have some clear indication that i can start unpacking th boxes that have
been
sitting in caparra for th last seven years, gutting th storefront in vega
baja myself if i have to & getting it ready to hang my growing photography
collection. just call me charles foster kane-
‘rosebud…!’
-except i may be staying in this hotel room idefinitely, or finally flying
to
amsterdam & staying in europe indefinitely…i’m turning it over…
abrazos, davidj=(8{>

(weird problems inserting adresses…)
…well, ten days ago yesterday i bought a cute, ultralite sony vaio
laptop.
if i had brought it in to j&r; before those ten days were up, i cd have had
an
exchange, no questions asked. but that one day of procrastination- added to
a
week of ’sure, i can troubleshoot this mofo myself’ -means i have to go
uptown to some sony store for them to diagnose & repair whatever may be
wrong
w/ it. symptoms: clipping beats when playing audio cd’s, one issue. issue
#2
is a sticky mouse click, that will sometimes drag & open files when i’m
merely moving th cursor…
where did i earn this foquin bad karma in dealing w/ technology???
i half-wish i’d just gone off to spain & continued to do my writing in
cafes
until i came back in november, then shopped around @ continued leisure…
what’s going on otherwise? my life feels like it’s ground to a halt after
all
these years of ’surrendering my will’ & still clutching @ broken shards of
control. it’s a little scary, but i’m starting to get used to th idea that
i
really have no idea what i’m doing in this world, how to organise my
priorities, whether i should be travelling, where i’m going in physical or
geographical or existential terms…but i’m also coming to th place where i
know pushing myself to stay in motion in order to sustain some illusion of
direction & purpose is just exhausting & not getting any results. in th
last
few days, in th midst of feelings of melancholy futility & aimlessness a
sense of acceptance has been dawning…i can give myself permission to
hesitate, to examine, to doubt & to trust & act only when i feel
comfortable
w/ th level of risk involved. i have all th time in th world to learn to
own
my life, to learn that it is indeed my life even if everything that happens
as part of it is not either my self- constructed purpose or an obstacle to
it! -i do know however, that i don’t want to go back to puerto rico until i
have some clear indication that i can start unpacking th boxes that have
been
sitting in caparra for th last seven years, gutting th storefront in vega
baja myself if i have to & getting it ready to hang my growing photography
collection. just call me charles foster kane-
‘rosebud…!’
-except i may be staying in this hotel room idefinitely, or finally flying
to
amsterdam & staying in europe indefinitely…i’m turning it over…
abrazos, davidj=(8{>