zensolo’s e-mailed chronicles posted by morituri.

Archive for August, 1999


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lost my shape/feel like an accident
* david byrne
billy pigrim has come unstuck in time
* kurt vonnegut what a drag it is/getting old jagger/richards
no man is a nomad who fails to follow th season of his flock. i lose my thread,
my narrative drive, my focus- ‘emptiness is nothing but form, form none other
than emptiness’:
what is spiritual, what is not? to borrow from th ‘prajna paramita’:
it has no legs, no tits, no ass, no dance, no kiss, no home, no force…
no company, no solitude, no skin, no flow-
no root, no flight, no net, no fall, no reach, no peace…
there seems to be no place for me in this world but six feet under
i drift my best as a restless guest, as i wander lost in lust…
no path, no exit out of myself but six feet under- it’s a chore
& an overwhelming effort just to stop wishing & wishing my life away!
what’ll i do/what’ll i do?
i seem to be running out of time w/out ever
having gotten th hang of sex w/ somebody else-
guess i’m solo for th duration: always on th road alone again naturally…
all you need is- d=(8{>

Written by morituri

August 31st, 1999 at 5:51 pm

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did you call for me, my darling?
i mourn my loves one town, one roof @ a time

th children’s circus offers its high-wire homework
one last night before th big top folds its tent

i seem to find my place only as i launch into headlong flight
weak knees screaming long after a cobblestone takeoff, my path
bobs & weaves among th shapeshifters of twilight
(th silky mane of an aloof beauty turnd away faces me as th dense beard of an intense, smoking charlie manson

double- while i pass a fearless hedgehog momentarily become a crouching cat…)
weimar is royally drunk on that sparkling culture money-
leaving not th slightest laundered trace
after th last worn-out avant-garde gesture dies down in th alleys

w/ out clearly markd boundaries, it’s a party for th well-off & th young-
each in their tacitly appointed quarters

from th distance of some early history
th heart of a leaning continent pumps passion into our limbs
to sing my skin awake- an ugly, catatonic prometheus, good looks
draind by th shadows of dreamless entropy

still i thank th size of life, smearing its coursing flow far beyond my petty desires & their obscure,

haphazard satisfactions…

Written by morituri

August 31st, 1999 at 8:31 am

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hebdo:wanderWegs-homing in…

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a flying leap to th present & a very, very slick internet cafe @ weimar

train station, maybe th only public(?)internet access in all of

thüringen? …mini towers under th table(!) -flat screen monitors from

siemens (one of their sponsoring partners, along w/ bitburger brauerei,

consors discount broker, ecrc, msn & pioneer electronics…) -another

flat wide screen for video over th bar…espressos @ 3 marks-

not*that*bad- but quarter liters(half pints?) of sparkling mineral

water are th same price…

peter suggested i try some shop or business in town for an alternative

possible access, but it seems like a long shot to me…a likelier

option, to my mind, wd be if k-heiner can be my passport to access thru

th university…we will see…

ah, well, this cool slick place runs on windows nt, & th five terminals

for client access are linkd to their cash register & even (if i

understood right) their tv-video terminal, seemingly hardwired to

mtv-deutschland (th eagles just performd their taped reunion version of

‘hotel kalifornia’…) when i first came by last wednesday, trying to

meet my self-imposed mid-week (mittwoch) newsletter deadline, their

network crashd while i waited for an available terminal…if i got th

story right, the thing runs from a local server right here in th

manager’s office, but he was nowhere to be found & an hour & a half

later, when i gave up & started on my hike to buchenwald, they still

hadn’t managed to raise (microsoft deutschland?)tech help on th


so this is friday afternoon, th beginning of th big goethe birthday

party, it’s 3 marks every 15 minutes for access- 12dm/hour, nearly five

o’clock, peeing in my pants, spent too much time as usual doing office

work, but it may have bn work it- got a moderately organised address

book @ yahoo & i can save working drafts here, so…yahoo looks better

& better…if i can shake off th sheets early enough tomorrow morning,

i can try to begin filling in my narrative gaps, müunchen to

johanniskirchen to weimar…

luv, luv, luv=(8{>

Written by morituri

August 27th, 1999 at 5:50 pm

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> ohhhh boy. it’s been a week- & then some. realized last night i’d been
> behaving as if i were joined to alex @ th hip. where do i begin?
> finally hiked/ walkd into pfarrkirchen today- a roundabout way by
> breitenbach & furcht (?) that made it about 15 or so kilometers- maybe 16,

> so just about ten miles…it’s alex’s turn to be under th weather- just as

> th weather clears & he gets ready to go back to hamburg w/ his new
> girlfriend vanessa, who came down for a visit last thursday. we’ll board
> inter-city together tomorrow, i change trains for weimar @ fulda…
> maybe i shd do something like a chronology…
> so i took th train from amsterdam to munich on tuesday. met christopher,
> alex’s hometown bud & th ultimate party machine, running on coffee, beer,

> cigarettes & a new infatuation every other day. in
> th week & a half since i met him, i’ve only seen him eat once: last night,

> when we got some pizzas to go from ‘il cavallino’, a kitschy-elegant
> trattoria that seems to be th only restaurant among
> th downtown pfarrkirchen strip of pastry shop-cafes…
> i’d had half a bottle of macon for w/ a late lunch salad & cheese plate on

> th amsterdam train, & a tomato soup & some tortellini w/ th same canned
> tomato soup for a sauce late in th evening, close to arriving in munich.
> anyway, i caught th christopher bug- had a big hefe-weizen & a shot of
> tequila @ a student-run bar known as ‘manhattan’, on top of th tallest
> in th student residence compound, & got kind of chilld on th windy terrace

> looking over th town talking to amy from detroit…it was nearly four in
> morning by th time we arranged our sleeping places & i woke up on eclipse

> wednesday, august 11, w/ a bad sore throat…nursed it w/ an
> breakfast of weisswurst, pretzel & sweet mustard, then alternatively
> ‘oohhh’d’ & ‘awwww’d’ along w/ th gathered crowd as clouds played w/ th
> visibility of th event as totality approached…
> (a suivre…) luv, d=(8{>

Written by morituri

August 21st, 1999 at 9:48 am

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> > is there such a thing as a quiet, smoke-free internet cafe in asterdam?

> > seems highly unlikely from th accumulating evidence…i wd hazard to
> > it’s bn a process of diversification for th smoke cafes- from pinball
> > machines & pool tables to higher-end client base profit expansion
> > seeking…& blah blah woof woof to you, to quote th late great
> mr.hendrix…
> > boy, for a small country th dutch sure seem to do things in a big way.
> there
> > was a big gay pride boat parade yesterday worthy of a dutch version of
> > ’south park’- big official floats w/ everybody & their maiden aunt’s
> little
> > motor lauch getting in on th act…got a bit of nice footage out of it
> even
> > if i did get a little wet out in th dutch drizzle…
> > spent th rest of th afternoon making up for missd lunch w/ a burgundian

> > dinner- ardennes pate followed by roast lamb in mint & honey sauce-
> > down w/ glasses of belgian lambic- that’s liquid sourdough to th
> > uninitiated- beer fermented spontaneously on th grain’s naturally
> > -umm are they still yeasts? i wd guess so…
> > meanwhile as i sit here struggling w/ my pseudo-journalistic vocation,
> > online travel journals seem to be proliferating all around me. a cursory

> > peek @ neighboring & surrounding monitors show hotmail & yahoo to be th

> > services of choice…

Written by morituri

August 8th, 1999 at 7:38 am

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August 5 1999

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reiten reiten reiten

und der mut is so müde gworden und die sehnsucht so gross…


another mittwoch & no answers, one week layover(ha) in nyc to shop for

scrambling sandals, better hiking shoes/ sturdier trail running shoes, some

light raingear…all i’ve bought is socks & sockliners & a pair of support

orthotic pads, that’s about it. not th most confident, comfortable consumer

& customer, tho i am slowly becoming an educated one (‘@ sym’s, an educated

consumer is our best customer’)

so many little hurdles to configuring my virtual writing desk & electronic

post office- hotmail lets me save a draft to continue work- i’m still not

sure yahoo offers that possibility, excite definitely does not. but hotmail

has no easy way to copy addresses off a posting & into their address


has no way @ all except 100% manual off-my-scrap-of-paper data entry…so

i’ll save this draft here (hotmail) & forward it to mself (both excite &

yahoo) to see about editing a bit ummm- tomorrow morning @ ceybercafé in

soho when i go check my compuserve account…try to attach th old kfeen

13/hebdo.amStrand friends & audience(!?) adresses & finally renew my



i was hoping to time my visit here @ cyberfeld’s w/ a bite or a coffee @

‘borgo antico’ next door- michele maritato, co-owner & chef, had a great &

inspirational story about hiking down & back up th grand canyon (besides

zion national in utah) & th food is as good as th conversation- th night i

had dinner there, i made up for not having bn eating my greens lately: a

cold spinach & fennel soup, sauteéd dandelion greens & artichokes & grilld

calamari on arugula & white beans! hope i’ve got my ny friends excited

enough to go for a visit & say hi for me! all th best to all, especially my

fellow pilgrims & wanderers this extreme weather summer of ‘99…

lovey dovey lovey dovey all’a time…d=(8{>

Written by morituri

August 5th, 1999 at 5:37 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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