zensolo’s e-mailed chronicles posted by morituri.


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hola todos:
i have become like bruce chatwin in one limiting, negative way: it has become excruciatingly difficult for me

to write as a
regular discipline while trying to live th settled life. it grates. it feels gratuitous- boring & pretentious

at one & th same time.
th emotional ground, th very impulse to write feels tainted- rotted thru w/ old, accumulated grievances- at th

posturing dance of avoidance & procrastination my brothers & i laboriously fritter our anxiously comfortable

lives away on,
for example.

it seems all th long-simmering, paralysing, accumulated anger & frustration in my life finally found physical


two weeks ago tuesday, a marble-sized growth popped up in my inner left thigh, close by th groin.
it seemed like a lymph node but th lack of any other symptoms- pain or tenderness in th area, body aches or

malaise-had me entertaining some options in my mind- a little hernia just now expressing itself??
friday after treatment my acupuncturist was leaning, not very convincingly or convinced herself, towards a

fatty cyst
diagnosis- but i did feel th little stringy attachments that whispered ‘lymph node’…
dr.dad rendered unquestionable verdict as lymph node on saturday. i forget if by this time th swelling had

grown to cue
marble size…also not sure if i was experiencing pain already- certainly generalized malaise, like some virus

coming on, &
growing discomfort in th area of th swelling…as is his style, dr.dad pontificated speculatively- some local

i’d gotten countless scrapes on th seagrapes & pricked myself on thorns from th lime bush- all trees in th

property are
diseased to greater or lesser extent, covered in one form of fungus or another- bougainvillea & star of india

besides th
formerly mentioned. then there’s th mysterious tree just outside th entrance gate, w/ big green pods & little

thorns all over-
local lore deems it poisonous so that it can kill a weak man…
when i went for a second opinion, my cousin tate, family practitioner in vega baja, wanted me to start on broad

antibiotics immediately. a week’s cycle was just under $71 at walgreen’s. later for that.
around two in th morning late sunday night th first crisis woke me: cold, shivery fever, intense pain shooting

both down my
leg & up into my abdomen. i cannot remember if i went dowstairs for a couple of aspirin or just held on tight,

curled into a
fetus under th sheet until th symptoms subsided in a pool of sweat around daybreak. i wd guess th latter.
i spent monday napping, recovering, waiting fruitlessly for my brother javier to drive me in for a formal

looksee by
dr.tate(that’s two syllables)centered around th obligatory blood tests. javier’s energies were taken up w/

fixing th new fridge
w/ th help of a tech buddy of his. he did relay my dad’s eureka insight message: i had cat scratch fever

(a suivre…)

Written by morituri

July 12th, 2001 at 12:24 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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