.:wanderlustmedia+dot+org:.

on top of everything else, th day after i send my last posting, that’ll be two weeks tomorrow, i guess, i

finally make it back to vega baja after ummm-a week, i guess, since driving into san juan v’spera d reyes, 5th

of january, & th beach house had bn broken into: th big magnavox tv set, th microwave oven from downstairs, my

new am/fm clock radio still in th box…all of these were gone, plus, we found out later, when dr.dad showed up

th next day, a new set of screwdrivers & a mercury lamp also in its box… so anyway… i’m not 100% sure

i’ll really do it, but i’m telling myself i’ll rent an imac for th next four weeks or so, catch up on

my…adult internet socializing…?? so anyway… i’m certainly reading a lot these days…’poland’ by

michener!! got into it for a while, but i tried to switch gears after a hundred or so pages of ‘los detectives

salvajes’ by roberto bola~o, who co-wrote th book i based my screenplay on & nearly strippd an aesthetic

gear…i’m also hopscotching my way around ‘generaton x’ by douglas coupland, which has some weird

intersections in tone & attitude w/ roberto’s book. very good, too. there was something else i was reading in

installments…’th cast of characters’? something else…? thought i might make it into old san juan for

sunday night’s final fiesta d san sebastian blowout & a little dancing in th streets…nope. am i turning

agoraphobic? haven’t even managed to drag myself to th grocery store for my obligatory breakfast staple,

pineapple juice…after i’m finishd here (soapy’s internet station, facing th bay between tourism piers two &

three) i’ll stop @ pueblo de diego & stock up for th week- yogurt, juice, water, greens, onions, calabaza…

so anyway…twenty minutes until one in th morning…friend ray may wake me up tomorrow to drive out to vega

baja & give me some tips on shelf making, basic carpentry…okey, ray… i cd use a mentor in brick & mortar &

concrete work- it wd be great to make a little office out of th dead space th upstairs terrace has become los

pillos put a long driftwood trunk thru th last bit of picture window there to get into th second story! how

th-?? no scrapes, no blood, nothing on th jagged points of th small, irregular opening- this guy’s an outlaw

yogi or something…! oh, ok…basta for now…
abrazos a tutti,
dabizzet.j=(8{>

hello, one & all…apologies for th deafening silence these last…umm-three weeks already! – but reentry to

bittersweet paradise home & family is always difficult- feels like i’ve run some kind of high-adrenalin

‘mission impossible’ everyone disavows when i sit down to debrief.
then again, in th words of richard hugo,
‘this is th bad time, christmas
& th myths are honed fine’
…it’s become a recurrent season for mourning for me particularly since it wd’ve been th first wk of january

that i wd’ve become a father fifteen years ago, 1985…but for th simple but overwhelming fact that i was not

th love in th love of my life’s life… i just did my cold-turkey caffeine quit for two days when i felt a

cold coming on last friday- so i spent saturday & sunday- ‘las octavitas’, post-three kings day weekend tail to

traditional boricua christmas holiday partying- nodding out to th tune of fourteen- sixteen hours a day as i

pushd myself to slog thru a freudian psychoanalysts’ take on joyce’s ulysses- ‘th cast of characters’… i had

a great talk about possiblities related to some of my ideas last night after my first espresso in three days

around noon, no workout in four days either, so of course i couldn’t fall asleep until nearly six in th

morning… i’ve been rereading william gibson’s ‘count zero’ today & i’m just a little frightened @ how life

is imitating art in th development of h internet & th notion of ‘cyberspace’…also funny how it’s dated-

written in ‘86, a lot of th warring multinational conglomerates’ names are japanese… still, i’m in a state

-mood?- particularly susceptible to suspension of disbelief regarding th plausibility of any paranoid scenario

my imagination or any neighboring friend or flake’s can conjure up, especially after aol-time-warner-turner

seems like a done deal…
& on that note, reviewing stick-shift skills for th organic growth of two-way
love traffic ’til next time…d=(8{>

some days, some days i open up to absolute contingency & eat th bear of nothing but death to look forward to…

some days, some nights i slink back, shrink down- retreat & backslide into barely conscious kiddie fear waking

up only as i walk into th cold gust of it-th fear, th acceptance, th cramped grid of city buildings tottering

above… no quiet coffee chatter on th radio competing w/ live humans impatient for their double latte another

day, another neofolkie songstress hooking into my ghostly desires my bones nothing but brittle, hollow flutes

fail to keep my skin in place or attached- i may believe i am free again after i finish my hour on this

ill-defined job of reaching & reaching out to receding mirrors of subjectivity never quite flesh out into

being… another quirk, another recognisable illusion crumbling for th sake of authentic cutural dreams

reborn…
& you think/that love is only/for th lucky or th strong…
d=(8{>

it’s a wonderful town!

i fly into this burg, my energy goes up, my libido goes up…

gotta do th errands re.: car rental- it seems to be so much more expensive

to

rent w/in manhattan, meaning i’d need to pack stuff for a few days, take a

subway or bus or train out to bklyn, connecticut or jersey & then drive for

ten to twelve hours to visit david & megan down in virginia…

that’s th plan, still…thought i’d get out of town before th wkend,

but…i

may as well relax a bit, commit to allowing mself a week @ th carlton-

there’s an opening, a photo exhibit from a canadian artist who does

kitschy-erotic digital manipulations goes up this friday- not sure if in th

lobby or one of th rooms…

what else is new? lovely weather to leave amsterdam, told raul & his

english

fiancee natasha i was bringing th rain w/ me to nyc- ayayay- me & my big

mouth, i forget i have this power- it’s been nasty weather here, but prfect

for getting over jetlag in a jiffy- today th clouds seem to be drying out &

i’ll try to get an early, lighter lunch @ th local irish pub, mccormack’s &

be out running before th five o’clock rush hour begins? …or after sunset,

’round six…

i’ll be shortening my list of those who get th newsletter draft, as i can

upload (thru my friend david sower @ usit.net in virginia) to my developing

webpage, wanderlustmedia.com (which david put up for me!) & allow firends,

family & public @ large read ad libitum, @ their leisure…

see you there!

oh, & i also have an offer from hugo arizmendi to help w/ some graphics!

life goes on & we get better @ it…?

luvluv, dabizzet.j=(8{>

it’s a wonderful town!
i fly into this burg, my energy goes up, my libido goes up…
gotta do th errands re.: car rental- it seems to be so much more expensive to
rent w/in manhattan, meaning i’d need to pack stuff for a few days, take a
subway or bus or train out to bklyn, connecticut or jersey & then drive for
ten to twelve hours to visit david & megan down in virginia…
that’s th plan, still…thought i’d get out of town before th wkend, but…i
may as well relax a bit, commit to allowing mself a week @ th carlton-
there’s an opening, a photo exhibit from a canadian artist who does
kitschy-erotic digital manipulations goes up this friday- not sure if in th
lobby or one of th rooms…
what else is new? lovely weather to leave amsterdam, told raul & his english
fiancee natasha i was bringing th rain w/ me to nyc- ayayay- me & my big
mouth, i forget i have this power- it’s been nasty weather here, but prfect
for getting over jetlag in a jiffy- today th clouds seem to be drying out &
i’ll try to get an early, lighter lunch @ th local irish pub, mccormack’s &
be out running before th five o’clock rush hour begins? …or after sunset,
’round six…
i’ll be shortening my list of those who get th newsletter draft, as i can
upload (thru my friend david sower @ usit.net in virginia) to my developing
webpage, wanderlustmedia.com (which david put up for me!) & allow firends,
family & public @ large read ad libitum, @ their leisure…
see you there!
oh, & i also have an offer from hugo arizmendi to help w/ some graphics!
life goes on & we get better @ it…?
luvluv, dabizzet.j=(8{>

what a long/strange trip it’s been…

tired of flying solo…

when th road/has bn too lonely/& th night/has bn too long…

like a long/lonely stream/i keep rolling towards a dream…

gotta find me/a place in th sun…

nowhere to run/nowhere to hide…

last night i hit my self-pitying bottom after nearly two weeks of visiting

or

trying to meet or reaching out to th wrong people @ th wrong time…

not th season for attempting to bring good cheer w/ short, unexpected

visits-

alex in hamburg was anxiously insomniac anticipating a big oral economic

theory exam & he wd wake me up w/ a shout whenever i wd start to snore…

i didn’t get much sleep on th train to wiesbaden- there was a change to a

rickety suburban trainin frankfurt @ five-thirty in th morning- & kerstin,

economist & planner w/ a mortgage bank, seemd to be under th weather- heavy

emotional weather, it seemed- so after cooking her some lentil soup, i got

on

th night train to paris- where emanuelle was too busy choreographing a show

to get together for a cup of coffee. i got a run in around my old parc de

buttes-chaumont route on th sunday of my arrival. on thursday, before

finally

taking another night train to amsterdam, i struggled w/ th madly shopping

crowds to walk from th 19th, down thru le marais & my first look @ th place

des vosges & th fancier parts of paris, until i found la madeleine, circled

it, & walkd back w/a stop for dinner in le marais- shouldered my backpack &

walkd to th gare du nord…i finally got another run in, th very thursday

of

my arrival in amsterdam, mostly th herrengracht half-circle, turning back @

th amstel, then, not finding th hotel because i cut back to th singel @ th

level of th radhuis, running down th singel to where it meets leidsestraat

&

back again…i want to try to run again today, hope th drizzle stays

light…

w/ no direction/home

like a complete unknown

like a rolling stone

abrazos, dabizzet.j=(8{>

> what a long/strange trip it’s been…
> tired of flying solo…
> when th road/has bn too lonely/& th night/has bn too long…
> like a long/lonely stream/i keep rolling towards a dream…
> gotta find me/a place in th sun…
> nowhere to run/nowhere to hide…
> last night i hit my self-pitying bottom after nearly two weeks of visiting
> or
> trying to meet or reaching out to th wrong people @ th wrong time…
> not th season for attempting to bring good cheer w/ short, unexpected
> visits-
> alex in hamburg was anxiously insomniac anticipating a big oral economic
> theory exam & he wd wake me up w/ a shout whenever i wd start to snore…
> i didn’t get much sleep on th train to wiesbaden- there was a change to a
> rickety suburban trainin frankfurt @ five-thirty in th morning- & kerstin,
> economist & planner w/ a mortgage bank, seemd to be under th weather- heavy
> emotional weather, it seemed- so after cooking her some lentil soup, i got
> on
> th night train to paris- where emanuelle was too busy choreographing a show
> to get together for a cup of coffee. i got a run in around my old parc de
> buttes-chaumont route on th sunday of my arrival. on thursday, before
> finally
> taking another night train to amsterdam, i struggled w/ th madly shopping
> crowds to walk from th 19th, down thru le marais & my first look @ th place
> des vosges & th fancier parts of paris, until i found la madeleine, circled
> it, & walkd back w/a stop for dinner in le marais- shouldered my backpack &
> walkd to th gare du nord…i finally got another run in, th very thursday
> of
> my arrival in amsterdam, mostly th herrengracht half-circle, turning back @
> th amstel, then, not finding th hotel because i cut back to th singel @ th
> level of th radhuis, running down th singel to where it meets leidsestraat
> &
> back again…i want to try to run again today, hope th drizzle stays
> light…
> w/ no direction/home
> like a complete unknown
> like a rolling stone
> abrazos, dabizzet.j=(8{>

call me a fool…just don’t call me late for dinnah… take my word i’m a madman don’t you know… well i got

some chestnuts after all, a little glazed, as i am after my faccsimile sangüibin dinner- venison along w/ th

chestnuts, & these lil kartoffel(potato) croquettes that musta had some salty cheese in ‘em cause they tasted

like almojábanas- ok, for th tropical-culturally impaired, almojábanas are…rice-flour & cheese fritters…but

i’ll have to check th authority, carmen aboy valdejuli’s ‘cocina criolla’ cookbook when i get home to make sure

there isn’t any other crucial ingredient- like coconut milk or cornmeal- mixed in… so, it was venison as i

wd’ve bet on- my totem animal sacrifice, just as on thanksgiving of ‘98, my first thanksgiving @ a restaurant-

this is my second, i guess…i’ll need some time to figure how many thanksgivings i’ve actually spent

stateside, how many on th european shores of th atlantic…
(tail end of thanksgiving wkend, near sunday midnight…)
farewell images: a little mac drive neon sign atop a typical euro
event-poster column…menorahs in all six windows of a house…a world globe,
lit from within, in another…i get on th train tomorrow, just after four in
th afternoon, pulling into hamburg hauptbanhof just about eight-thirty in th
evening…
after driving out to gelmeroda for a look @ th lit-up church, which lyonel
feininger painted & painted again & again & @ th ‘neufert box’, honoring th
designs & work of architect ernst neufert, peter droppd me off @
gasthausbrauerei felsenkeller, th local micro(?)brewery, owned by th
deinhardt family, who have been in th biz for a few generations & more than
one location @ an earlier time…tried th seasonal bock- weinachtsbier, &
then their dark…got hungry & hada a salad & a half- a few too many pickles
& red kidney beans fresh from th can around some sauteed wild duck breast
strips, then some smoked trout on a little salty pancake…i was a glutton to
want to try th second dish, even th half-portion ended up leaving me stuff-
blame it on th duck or th beans or th heavily-vinegared cocktail onions &
pickles- (*not*gherkins)
okay…amore, amore-d=(8{>

chestnuts roasting on an open fire/jack frost nipping @ yr nose-toes-hose…
well, there seems to be no street chestnut-roasting tradition in central
europe or @ least in germany or @ th very least in weimar, if i get to visit
erfurt i’ll have a larger town to compare…maybe i missd my chance in
barcelona…
th cold november wind blows across th square in front of th weimar
hauptbanhof. th half-moon manages to insinuate its form thru th thin, high
cloud cover releasing flurries of dandruff-powdery snow into th evening
i find a cradling home in th chill of th fall-
back in my tropical paradise of warm indefinition
th effort of motion coats my skin in oily sweat, & coming to a rest too easily nurtures moldy growth… to

keep th cold @ bay my fire burns cleaner, my flame shines brighter my heat flows & radiates out thru my

stinging skin & toes to meet th winds head-on…
th bodymind learns a smoother shift of gears
& perspectives from th cycling seasons…

it’s thanksgiving eve, & i believe th moon was full last night but th cloud
cover has thickened, even if there is no more snow coming down these last
couple of days, after nearly a week of a light dusting every night, @
least…
seem to be finally getting my energy flow- ran today & in th melting slush
last monday, after only one run w/ peter on tuesday th week before, th
temperature just below freezing…
th wind has shifted to th southeast & there seems to be a warming trend in th
air after an early taste of central european winter…
i may try to have some goose tomorrow…turkey’s often on th menus here, but
no candied yams, no cranberries, no pumpkin pie, no chestnut stuffing, no
wild rice…ayayay, yoo wood tink eye guas a gringo, gwisdis melancolía por
el pavito-taquino-pute-turkey-dinde…
japisangüibin, 1 &all!
dabizzet.j=(8{>

i was on th last leg of my 21-hour train ride from barcelona to weimar, having made th connection to th

‘goethe’ intercity express from paris to prague in fulda, when a copy of ‘le monde’ in th seat across th aisle

caught my eye…robert kramer, expatriate american filmmaker, was dead of complications from meningitis @ th

age of sixty… i guess i was not meant to meet th man. when i left puerto rico back @ th end of july, my

friend ‘puchi’ platón had promisd to e-mail me his whereabouts as part of some informal introductory document.

when she first mentioned kramer to me, i vaguely recognised th titles to some of his films- like ‘people’s

war’, done as part of th ‘newsreel’ group (don’t quote me on that name- i’m not tout a fait sur that’s it…)

speaking of glaring errors, le monde said kramer had edited footage of venezuelan guerrilleros under th alias

‘robert remark’ into a documentary titled ‘faln’- as far as i know, only my fellow boricua revolutionaries use

that acronymic handle- is there a venezuean guerrilla group sharing th name or is le monde totally out of it?
…as i sat down to finally write this obit, eulogy, memorial to another of
those mentor-teachers i never got to meet- it’s thursday evening & i’ve bn
mulling it over since i read th news last sunday- th first news on my yahoo
home page informs me of th death of paul bowles…
out of this recent spate of losses, rafael alberti was th one overtly
political exile, & th one to return home for some sort of reconciliation…is
it more difficult to return to th u.s. of a. than it is to more obviously,
politically oppressive countries? i know i cd heartfully identify w/ a
statement by mario benedetti in a recent interview, who has returned to an
uruguay that is not th country he once left- he spoke of a sense of being
doubly exiled, finding himself missing th life he was forced to make for
himself as a political refugee in spain- th friends he made during th long
years in madrid, th streets he made his home, th city he inhabited, th
country & particular castillian version of spanish, mediterranean culture he
learned to make his social, cultural, professional, emotional niche in…
i have some deeply felt, if contradictory emotions about th land of th
free/home of th brave as stepmother country, source of dreams of unlimited
opportunity…i’m not a nationalist & as a matter of fact, if anything, i’m
increasingly suspicious of allegiances to land, country & flag & thus, more &
more of an anarchist as i grow older…how do i build a home on this
emotional quicksand, feeling like an exiled newyorker as much as i do a
rocknroll-&-internationalised-trash-culture-loving puertorrique~o??
i guess this is one of th themes of my wanderlust webpage, journals & related
endeavors, & one i hope will find echo in th feelings of firends, family &
growing audience in these postmodern, postindustrial, & soon-to-be
postmillenial times…!
to quote th late, dour ian curtis, singing w/ th band that later became ‘new
order’- (quick! what was th name of th band while ian was alive to sing w/ em
& why was it a controversial name?)
love/will tear us apart/again…
dabizzet.j=(8{>