amStrand hebdo(I fou wit our nevera)
…”To live only once, many times,
Between the moments.
The tiny little moments.
The tiny little life
between the moments.
Cunning little road.
If you wait
you’re never ready,
Urgently, I’m learning.
First the lust
And last,
The yearning.”
Gonzalo Andrés Aponte
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5/10/94
——————– Engine age ——-
yup. got th story of my life there, trickling drop by drop
to fleetingly pool @ th leaky bottom of th cracked glass bowl
of self: th deepening echoes sound th range of circling desire-
from purest aspiration to basest craving along th rainbow
of appetites- ambition zeal thirst itch longing or greed-
we find th mirage to lend us appropiate direction, fuel
for th motion joining point after point into lines, circles, spirals…
(let me tell you, i’m all of forty-four, i’ve been there & back
* by th way, i’m over th corpse, i guess: four in japanese
is th character- th sound?- for death, & forty-two is a dead body…
am i being kept in th dark about something important?
i found- didn’t quite make my way, haha- been there & back…
i may be losing it here, but i made good my escape even if i could never
break free or get away…this is th voice that keeps ringing in my ear-
no names, no pictures, no names no pictures- i dare you
to find th way to tell my story protecting th truly innocent…
you cd fill yr face…no more smarty-pants shorthand…
is this enlightenment or disintegration? derangement? i fell into a nap…)
Thursday th 16, 07.1998 (20h56) love is a corpse…
love is a dead body/wrappd around my loins…
I’m a hungry ghost/knocking at yr pleasure’s door…
love is a dead body/& I’m sown up inside…
to be laid up/for yr rotting banquet…
(there is no force besides desire
there is no boundary but fear
craving is shadow to desire
& respect, th wounded heart in fear…)
there is no punishment but shame
no love without th healing touch
as joy releases th accepting self
(no self but spirit mirrored in dull flesh)
there is no force except desire
or fulfillment but in flight…
(is this it here?)
everluv, d=(8{>