amStrand:bo.the.red!
tuesday before last was bright yet humid. sweltering. i copped out on running so i was up until three or so.
as i finally drifted off in th relief of predawn cool, a rainstorm hit.
it was still pouring when i got out of bed- cool, bleak grey outside even approaching noon.
wednesday, after much acrimony, we (actually, my brother javier) signed th contract w/ new tenants taking over
th corner shop in dr.dad’s building behind city hall in vega baja-
a young lebanese guy & his uncle who made who knows what kind of arrangements w/ th jeweler closing shop after
renting from my dad for 30 years w/out so much as a raise in th rent- exchanging key money, remodeling
th locale & moving stock in while my brothers & i scrambled around dumbfounded & bickering about what th hell
to do…
so javier decides to party it up & turns up at th beach house high as a kite around eight. nonstop rant for
three hours or so- mixing arabs, anthrax, armageddon, family issues… kept it going while i struggled to keep
calm & focused on working out, taking a shower, sitting zazen…i lost it & told him to leave me th fuck alone,
got ready to get into th car & go but…
shied away from confrontation when he barked back he wouldn’t let me leave, he wasn’t staying anyway…not in
this house!
after going to bed, he kept coming to th door throughout th night to loudly insist on his obsessive points
about arabs, anthrax, armageddon- for th hundredth, hundred&first, hundred&second,hundred& third time- now hurt
& offended
& sanctimonious & insisting on further points about family, alberto’s drinking & his relationship w/ ani…
being a christian includes having th right to tell me how to live my life down to how to park my car, when to
feed th cat…
he made up his mind to leave around six in th morning. took me maybe half an hour to wind down, relax & finally
drift
off to sleep.
i went for a long warmup stroll in th stubborn drizzle thursday, & managed to run 25 minutes…
no break in th clouds until saturday- after a few hours, another front & more rain. massive floods.
look look at all i bring- ‘el que mucho abarca poco aprieta’
th trail of rotten fruit droppd behind me because my grasp, my eyes
were bigger than my prey my ord’nance my carry my targets my meat
not one, not one is true
runs my singsong road chant, my night drive mantra
i’ve been sleepwalking thru th flooded movie set
for th wetlands ’round my childhood home
collapsing in th cold silent searchlight glare